Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (on the Web 2.0)


From the archives and for new friends:

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We have all been through a breakup and felt the inevitable pangs of pain, surges of tears and very real mourning period following the end of a relationship.  In today’s world, where social networking and social media can be a significant part of many of our lives, old fashioned heartbreak can be compounded by the “Internet breakup”.

Breaking up with someone with whom you shared your likes and dislikes, sent xoxo’s and matched compatibility quiz results with on sites such as Facebook, MySpace, and of course the uber-popular Youtube, along with the many other social networks brings forth an entirely new set of issues.  For instance, how long does one wait to remove from one’s page the comments, photos, and “gifts” (sent while in the often delusional. blissful cloud of love) that stare back and now haunt you? This person was your No. 1 spot in your top friends for heavens sake! What is one to do?

Once these are removed and the STATUS in the profile changes from any of the oh-so-charming descriptions ranging from “it’s complicated” or “in committed relationship” to “single”, what is the proper etiquette for well wishers and others who will invariably ask how you are coping, what happened and other questions that may be sincere but can burn through the screen like molten lava?  What to do with the bevy of comments left to make sure you “keep your chin up”, that they are “thinking of you” and whatever other trite phrase  delivered in glitter loitering in cyberspace like floating bullets in a Matrix-like freeze frame. Makes one want to pownce directly into a gaping void.

As in the traditional break up there is always the division of “friends”.  The Internet makes that division a blatantly public and often childish process.  Do they “De-friend you?”  Do you “De-friend” them?  Who does what and how long until someone takes action?  There is always that one first friend that is brave enough to make the friend switch. This person simply enjoys the new friendship more than the original friendship, yet inevitably puts themselves into the center of what may turn into a battle of loyalties, criticism and of course the unbearable insult of being De-friended (they also risk negative posts and g-d knows what from the slighted party).  These friends that once felt Linkdin may experience the pain of being blocked, ignored or even… dare I say… spammed.

So as you sit there and ponder the thought “OMG” this could happen to me and your heart goes all a twitter, feeling like drinking a tumblr of whatever is readily available in the house, I ask you, what are the new rules governing this era of Internet everything? How should this go down and how can you emerge relatively unscathed from all the added remnants now gathering in the cloud? How does one go from being the couple of Web 2.0 to …Web no.0?”

I hereby offer a few initial suggestions and I am sure I will come up with many more, but I need to know what you, the tech-lover, thinks.  Perhaps together we can come up with some basic framework for keeping our net presence intact as we navigate the treacherous on-line break up?

Rules of Disengagement for Internet-related break ups

1. Do not post a breakup blog explaining the gory details.  Such things should be private, even in today’s voyeuristic world.

2. Removal of ex should be done gradually. i.e. they did not disappear from the face of the earth, just perhaps from your life or more visibly, your vlog.  This should be adhered to in order to avoid the inevitable onslaught of queries about your separation. Do it for the other person, if not for yourself.

3. Do not post new pictures of yourself with an ex, a new whatever or overtly salacious images in an attempt to inflict additional pain on your ex (no mater how much you think you hate them).4. It is not recommended posting hourly, self-involved mood updates that will not only indulge the voyeurism of others, but cheapen the anguish you both feel. In a nutshell, don’t twit a twitter.

5. While sending angry emails/IM’s in the wake of your break up, do not digg yourself a hole you cannot climb out of.  This means that words on a screen are forever. Permanent. Nothing is ever truly erased from the web.  So pick your jabs wisely and don’t stumbleupon your own immature cruelty.

6. Do not badmouth your ex. You are an adult..

7. Avoid “tracking” your ex’s web activity. This can only lead to obsession and worse, web stalking.

8. Do not refer in any way to your suddenly, even remarkable renewed sex drive, virility, or promiscuity. This is so far beneath you as to be found somewhere deep in the Earth’s mantle.

9. Take a break from social media. We could all use one.

10. Eat, drink, be merry and do not let the bad experience disillusion you as to the viability of another Web-based relationship – we all benefit from social media, both platonic-socially, and if we are careful and a bit lucky, we may fall for another Tech-god  again, with markedly better results.

Written in collaboration with Michelle Oshen

Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm

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Oscar Wilde on the Subject of Womend


  • Women are never disarmed by compliments.  Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
  • All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.
    No man does.  That’s his.
  • Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.
  • A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
  • Bigamy is having one wife too many.  Monogamy is the same.
  • Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
  • As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
  • She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.
  • A man’s face is his autobiography.  A woman’s face is her work of fiction.

Oscar Wilde was witty in an one-liner comedian sort of way.  These are just a sampling of his views on the fairer sex.

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“What can be worse than the total agony of being in love?”


In the spirit of the holiday season…

“What can be worse than the total agony of being in love?”As spoken by an eleven year old from a line in the film, Love Actually. If you pause for one second and think about it, isn’t love the absolute worst thing ever? I mean it is sheer torture yet it is vital and what we all live for ultimately. Some say it’s not Love but Sex that we do all the work for i.e. Sigmund Freud, but I don’t think he had that one quite figured out.

The absence of love can create the most distressing feelings inside. Sadness, loneliness, the shallow feeling of hating the couple walking hand in hand in front of you on the street. What a nightmare. Yet when in love that couple barely exists for the focus is not on them, but on your own hand in that of your loved ones. Total nonsense I think, turns us into absolute jerks doesn’t it?What is it about love that can have you raging in anger and reeling from joy in the matter of minutes? How is it that we, seemingly rational human beings allow ourselves such beastly behavior? I know its chemical and I know we can’t help it, but why do we put ourselves through it time and again?

Why do we let love in, and then let it ravage us so completely often leaving us in tatters and destroyed? Then as time passes we consciously (or not) do it all over again, risking the same awful result? As adults are we not to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. When we touch the super hot radiator, don’t we actively avoid it so as not to burn again?

What makes love different? I want to know what you think. I am clearly at a loss because I am responsible for the horrid behavior I speak of. Please share your thoughts with me. Maybe together we can solve this Love thing once and for all? Highly unlikely but worth a shot, no?

End Quote

” Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

Albert Einstein

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A relationship grows on Twitter.


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Time for an update: Feb. 20. 2016

Yes these two bicoastal friends found their way to each other. Surprising both they fell in love. They spent 5 glorious, confusing and intense months together. Then came truth. The truth always comes out. We had hope for these lovers but as most things in life all was not revealed feelings got hurt and painful jabs exchanged. The friendship was perhaps the most wounded casualty in their story. She felt decieved he felt…well I’m really not sure. They lost each other and the experiment failed. Trust destroyed, who knows what life has in store? One thing we know,she is gone and he must accept that. Sad ending indeed.

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She:
When you think about it/me what do you imagine? What’s the best case scenario? Be honest please. The more honest the better.

He:
Best case… we fall in love and have kids and live happily ever after. That’s the absolute best.

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This very simple text exchange transpired yesterday. It’s pretty darn cute right, romantic even? These two excited people have known each other for close to three years. They met on twitter and there were certain topics that they are both passionate about that brought them into each others twittersphere (gun control) was a big one.

So as it goes they eventually DMd and that went well so they exchanged real life phone numbers. Skype followed after over a year. No they are NOT catfish they skype and send pics all the time.

These two live on opposite coasts. One, a real California guy through and through. The other a hard core east coast chick. Life has now created a circumstance where he is about to move to the east coast. In about 2-4months she and he will finally meet face to face.

They are such great friends and have been extremely patient in lieu of their previous circumstances. Now they are thrilled, nervous, excited, waiting for what lie ahead for them. There are no promises being made or expectations beyond meeting face to face. The friendship is strong enough to survive if the relationship does not end in the happily ever after. I wish these two all the luck in the world because they both deserve it. In terms of a relationship born on social media, these two did it really well and it’s truly authentic.

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